Worst time of my life

My Grandfather
He was such an important part of my life. He was a gentle man. He loved to watch his TV, help people, work hard, and loved mamaw and me .
He would sit on the bench in Walmart while mamaw shopped and would end up having someone by him talking to them before it was all over with. I think because of that is why I never met a stranger.
He would bring home his lunch box from work and give me the honey bun or gum and say now don't tell mamaw. Because as a kid with ADHD, I was limited on my sugar consumption.
I love him deeply and miss him to this day. He passed away in 93 from cancer in the VA hospital in Memphis. I was the last one he talked to before he passed. He told me remember Courtney I will always love you.
I cry when I think about him because though I had him in my life for 8 years, he was so influential to me. That is why his death hit me so hard.
Before he passed, me and mamaw were tired and hungry. We stopped at a gas station. My grandmother got out the money she needed then she hid her purse. I stayed in the van but later decided to get out. But I didn't shut the sliding door all the way.
I remember plain as day seeing this black man standing by the pay phone. He watched me as we walked by. I remember thinking he felt odd to me. But I ran in with mamaw anyway.
When we came out, a lady in a pickup asked if that was our van. My grandmother said yes. She said a black couple went in it and grabbed something and ran. I looked at the payphone, the black guy was gone. My grandmother purse was stolen.
I blame myself to this day for this. Mamaw doesn't. She said I was only a kid. But after this, we had to cancel all my grandmother cards. It was a long hard process. I also think that because of this is why we had financial trouble.
All I have to say, is I wish I could find that guy. I wish I could ask him why? Why did you steal that purse? Why steal anything? You ruined lives by doing this! You are a selfish individual. I pray that you no longer steal. That was your last one.
I am not racist. I am just writing my life in a very raw way.